Good Grief, Is She Lost???

Tuesday - June 7, 2011

We had to leave at dark-thirty-early today to go to our new den in Antelope. I always thought Antelope were for chasing and eating, not living in. I've heard other dogs there, a little yappy dog is close by, and I've seen stray cats, but no antelopes. Very peculiar.

My partner had to be there to get a special present from the brown man. She said it was from someone called AT&T and it would be a silver box like she has on the picture box at home. It makes her silver machine go really fast so she can watch pictures that her friends send: Veronica sends her about super poodle Ollie, and Linden about her ever-lovely Iris, and Ellen about her super agile Rethey, and Deb with the hilarious Lolz Cats and Dogs. 

My partner is super excited about getting this present! She is going to save $150 by trying to install it herself. Yeah, right... we'll see just how far this brain fried human will get. And she's already told me this is yet another box I will NOT be allowed to play with. The problem is that we don't know when the present will arrive; we just know the brown man will come before the end of day.

So my partner took me for a little walk around the area, pretty much staying in sight of our new den. Since it was cool out, she went back to our moving crate and got out my long-line. We went in and got my football. She threw it for me and I ran really fast and grabbed it and made squeak! I was good at that. Then I'd drop it and smell all the good things around me and start to explore. My partner would walk over, show me the football and throw real far again. And I'd run really, really fast with all my feathers and petticoats flying in the whirlwind I created and grab that football and shake it and make it squeak! Boy, am I good at this game!

Then we went back inside. My partner was faced with about 60 big boxes of stuff from the old den. She would take them 1 by 1 to the room they belonged to. If it was possible, she'd unpack them and put the stuff away. Otherwise, she's stash them in one of the many closets. A week ago, Mom and Uncle Jeff had brought about 15 or 20 boxes down and put them in different closets. When my partner finished dealing with her boxes, she was getting all confused about there being too many boxes in the room closets and storage closets. She started getting real sick about it. She was wandering from room to room and from one storage closet to the next. She was getting worse and worse. I kept nudging her. I kept trying to herd her to the big room where we played and where she'd put some soft blankets down for me to lie on, but she wasn't listening to me.  Then she went away. I hate it when she goes away from me. So I had to jump on her and knock her back really hard. She almost fell over but she did come back! And I got a special cookie! 

Having a picnic on the football field of our new den.

After my partner calmed down from sitting on the floor with me she said it was time we took a well-deserved break. She got some things for herself and then she super-surprised me: she had brought me a meaty lamb rib! Wow, my partner loves me so much! (And I think she knows I love her too.) We had a nice little lunch right there on the football field. We both finally got to relax for a little while. And it was completely silent: no moving picture box, no music boxes, no birds were singing - just the peaceful sound of me chewing my bone.

After our calming picnic, I did a Paws Up on my partner and cleaned her face. She had salt on it. Then she began the long process of methodically going through each bedroom and closet, bathroom and its closet, and all the storage closets. She unpacked and put away what she could. The rest were put away in the proper storage closets. 

This time around, she took breaks every 45 minutes - I know because she brought a black box that had red numbers on it and that made a loud buzzing noise every 45 minutes. This was the same box my partner used to train me to wake her up every morning. But that was a long, long time ago - I sure don't need that now!

After my partner had done all she could do in our new den, she prepared the both of us to leave. She was going to ask the nice man across the street to accept our present from the brown man. She had put all the empty boxes in our moving crate, and had just put my seat belt on. She was in the kitchen getting her keys when I heard the brown man at the door and barked really loud to let him know I was here and was guarding this den. My partner came to the door, opened it, and we both looked out. The brown man was already half way down the driveway, so my partner shouted "Thank you!" and closed the door. The present was the one she was waiting for, so she put it away. 

The red numbers on the black box said it was after 5. My partner had already fed me at 4 which is normal for me. I already had my seat belt on, so we both hopped into the moving crate and went to our den in Marysville. We got there at 6 and my partner unloaded all the empty boxes. She was very, very tired, because she hadn't had any sleep at all for the last 2 nights. 

I tried to comfort her, and she did start to drift off around 9, but she was up again at 10 and never did go back to sleep. So while she worked on packing stuff, I fell asleep on the job, because I was really tired too. Whenever I wake up to check on her, she is massaging my head, neck and shoulders, telling me I'm a super good Kota and it's OK if I sleep; that she wants me to sleep, cause she will really need me tomorrow with the movers. So, I will keep on keeping on. 

Kalifornia Kota

Remembering - Memorial Day

Monday - May 30, 2011

Always Remember - Never Forget

Last year my partner and I went to a very special presentation at the Calvary Christian Center in Yuba City. They asked all the Vietnam Veterans to come up on the stage. My partner was the only female Vet, and I was the only doggie!! They put on an extremely realistic and moving montage of a Vietnam jungle patrol that gets ambushed, then airlifted to an Aid Station, which in turn gets attacked and severely damaged. The huge auditorium was filled with noises: first the subtle sounds of the jungle insects and the soldiers footsteps and equipment as they moved thru the aisles of the darkened auditorium, then the firefight with its M16s, AK47s and grenades, followed quickly by screams of pain and yells for the medic, then the helicopters to medivac them out to the Aid Station... 

At the sound of the M16s and the AK47s and the grenades, my partner started to get sick. She was rocking back and forth and shaking. When the helicopter sounds came, she went away from me. I tried really hard to bring her back: I pawed at her, jumped up on her, tugged hard on the leash. I even pawed at the soldier sitting next to her. I couldn't make her come back. I finally jumped really hard on her and she came back, but was really sick. The soldier was talking to her, but she wasn't talking back. She finally listened to me and got up to leave. Even though the auditorium was pitch black, I was easily able to find all the doors thru all the halls to get us outside. 

I found a hard place around a tree where my partner could sit awhile. I did a paws up and laid partially across her lap and let her hold me, breathe me, stroke me. When she finally slowed down, she gave me a nice treat and we got up to leave. Out by the parking lot, the Army had parked a bunch of their moving crates. From the old jeep to some pretty humongous thingies; they were all pretty impressive. We walked over there and my partner was pretty relaxed talking to the Officers & Soldiers. She told them she was once in the Army - they didn't seem to care as they were quite smitten by ME and my flashing, flouncy, fancy petticoats!! They let me get into their moving crates in the front row. My partner NEVER lets me get in the front row - and she always makes me wear a seat belt. These soldiers let me go in the front and I didn't have to wear a seat belt in any of the moving crates. They all laughed at me when I put my paws on the circles in front of the seats. What was funny about that? I see my partner doing that when she's in that seat. My partner had taken my vest off, so I got to be loose on my leash and got to solicit all the attention I wanted from these humans dressed in green clothes. They all looked alike. They must buy their clothes from the same store.

So for the last week, my partner has been doing the weirdest thing. She has been on this silver machine and has had it making loud noises. Thank heavens she has stopped it after today. She was listening to noises made by M16s, AK47s, grenades, machine guns and the dreaded helicopters. Every time the helicopters started, she'd begin to get shaky, and she'd go away from me. I'd paw at her leg, or jump on the sofa and push at her to bring her back. She did this a couple times every day. It was not a fun week.

My partner had been in contact with a nice Captain lady who had made arrangements for us to have a special seat in the back like last year, so I'd have room to lay down and if she got sick again, we would be able to slip out without disturbing anyone. When we arrived, the Officers in the front greeted us by name! They were expecting us - we felt very special. One of them was escorting us into the auditorium, having to pass thru the patio area first which was crowded and scary for her. Then we entered the really big foyer...

I could smell my partner's extreme fear and anxiety and knew a panic attack was coming - that foyer was packed shoulder-to-shoulder with a hundred people all visiting with each other and now a lot of them noticed us and wanted to talk to us - but our escort had continued on. She was trying to respond to the people and keep walking but couldn't. Finally she told me to "Follow" and I pulled her thru that crowd, weaving thru the bodies, making a path for her until I found that Officer who was looking around for us. He took us to a nice padded bench that had a reserved sign on it just for her, and there was a nice open space next to it for me!

My partner was still in a panic state. There wasn't enough space in front of her to do an About to help her. So I did a Paws Up across her lap as best I could. My partner was shaking and she was going away and not coming back. I kept jumping on her. She was doubled over and I jumped onto her shoulders. I pulled hard on the leash telling her she needed to leave this place right NOW. I put my paw on the man sitting next to her, but he didn't know what I wanted. 

A soldier came over and talked to my partner. He talked at her several times while I was pawing her and finally she sat up and talked to me, then to him. She gave me a treat, then stood up and and at last allowed me to lead her out of that place that haunts her dreams. 

When we got home, my partner was incredibly sad that she wasn't able to watch this presentation that she wanted to see so badly. She didn't even get to see the Color Guard. She wasn't even able to go have fun with me on the Army moving crates. She so wanted to be a part of honoring Veterans on this special day. Instead, she had wimped out and felt ashamed and a failure. She got on this silver machine and made tappings to my Auntie Jeanne. That was the only good thing about this Memorial Day. So we celebrated by looking at our Military War Dog picture album which we always enjoy, and we will keep on keeping on.

Kalifornia Kota

Jasper???

Tuesday - May 24, 2011

Today my partner had to go to the meat doctor. She really dreads going to these appointments every 6 months. Six years ago, before we were together, she had a bad sickness in her right teat that had to be cut out. She refused to take the chemicals they give that make humans really sick and lose all their fur. Instead she just went in every day and they put her in a machine that shot special magical stuff into her body to make the rest of the sickness die. But it also made some good tissue die too and she got some burns.

After that, she was contacted by an oncologist and asked to be part of a cancer clinical drug trial for 5 years. My partner was given 2 bottles of pills every 6 months. One bottle had real medicine in it that was supposed to help her not get that teat sickness again, and the other bottle had medicine that did nothing. Every 6 months she had to go see that meat doctor. He would talk to her for a while, asking all kinds of personal questions, then make her lie down and knead her teats really hard which hurts her a whole lot. My partner says she feels like a slab of meat on a butcher's table, that's why she calls him that name.

Then my partner finally got smart and came and got me and took me home with her. Not too long after that she took me to the meat doctor. She kept getting sick on the way down there and had to pull over 3 times to sit in the back with me so I could make her well enough to keep driving. When we were waiting for the meat doctor to come into the exam room, my partner was shaking and scared and I kept trying to make her feel better. Then the meat doctor burst into the room and I jumped up and let out one big very loud bark at him! THAT stopped him dead in his tracks. Then I smiled at him and sat down.

Every time we go there and he pokes and prods at my partner, I make sure he knows that I am supervising. I sit and put my head on the table and keep my eyes on his - and he always locks eyes with mine. If my partner starts to go away in her mind, I nudge her leg with my nose and bring her back. This seems to fascinate the doctor - that I will always be looking at him, but know what is going on with my partner. Ever since I started going with my partner to see him, he has become softer and gentler. He watches me as he does his work on her and she says it doesn't hurt as much any more, so that's a good thing!

This was going to be the last time my partner saw him and Sergio, the nice man that gives my partner the bottles of pills. It's been 5 years that she's been in this study. But the meat doctor doesn't want to cut her off. He wants her to come back in one year for another check-up, even though she won't be taking any more of those pills. She and Sergio are hoping the bad sickness does not come back again, now that she is stopping those pills. I hope she is OK too...

I've been getting along now with the meat doctor. I give him a sniff when he first comes in and he gives me a scritch under my chin. Then I lay down between him and my partner while they do their long talking. But from the beginning he has always called me "Jasper". That's a BOY'S name!! Can't he recognize a beautiful bitch when he sees one? 

I made my partner get on this silver machine and do her typings to find out what this Jasper actually means. She said it is indeed a boy's name from either Persia or Greece. And that its meaning is "treasure holder" or "semi-precious gemstone". 

Well, with my multi-colors, I certainly LOOK like a gemstone! All my colors flash and gleam in lights, especially the sunlight. I have reds and golds and bronzes and tans. I'm much prettier than any old rock. And I definitely hold treasures. My partner is always telling me that. She says I save her life every day and that I am a treasure to her - one that is priceless and that she would never give up - not for anything! So I guess that it's OK if that meat doctor wants to call me Jasper, and I'll just keep on keeping on.

Kalifornia Kota

I'm At My Wits End

Thursday - May 19, 2011

I am NOT a touchy-feely dog! If my partner hugs me one more time, I swear I'm gonna lose it! This den-hunting business is making her crazy and is driving me insane... 

A couple days ago we went to look at a den in Granite Bay. When she found it she was hugging me a LOT. The rent was a little higher, but this den was only a couple minutes from Mom's house and a 10 minute bike ride from my partner's 2 brothers. It had a huge fenced back yard, but you had to go thru the garage to get to it. The minute we went out there, 2 of the bordering dens had several dogs in their yards that started barking furiously and attacking the fences. It was quite a racket. My partner had filled out the application on her silver machine before we went there. The agent man had no fur on his head! He also looked at copies of our other applications and said he would verify them independently, but expected no problems, and that we were #1 on the list to have the house. The houses are very close together. All around the house are lots of gorgeous trees and bushes and flowers - they make the whole house dark and gloomy inside - the windows are all very small and high up on the walls. Mom liked this house because it was so close. My partner didn't like this one for reasons we won't go into here... but we still signed up for it, because she wants a big yard for me.

This morning, Ms Ashleigh of The Tudors called my partner. She reminded us that she was waiting for us and Mom to deliver proof of income. My partner was stunned to think that so many days had gone by and been wasted over something so simple that she had forgotten. She gets so very angry and upset and frustrated with herself when she realizes that she has forgotten something. She never knows if it's because of her bad memory or if it was because she had dissociated at the time. I know she was very sick and had gone away several times when she was in Ms Ashleigh's office last Saturday, so maybe that was it. But why didn't Mom know that we needed to do this???

At any rate, we had a copy of Mom's IRS 1040. So my partner got on this silver machine and pushed some buttons to make a copy of her 1040 and some bank papers. She was very excited, dancing around and hugging me every 5 minutes. We drove down to The Arbors to deliver those papers. When we got there, my partner realized she had left Mom's papers at home. She got all quiet and she went away. I jumped up on her and made her come back. Nick told her she could fax those papers when she got home. (We don't have a fax machine.) I took my partner back to the car and waited patiently while she fumbled with my seat belt. Thank dogdom she had the sense to get in with me until she was able to drive! And yes, I allowed her to hug me, because that was the right time for me to be hugged.

We stopped at Ben's Bark Ave Bistro in Roseville on the way home to get some yummy food for me. I went straight to the right freezer that holds my brand & size of bags - yep, I'm that smart. On the way to the register, I started pulling my partner to the left, and she was trying to stop me - she wasn't able to smell that Ms Sally was in the next aisle!! I love Ms Sally! She wasn't there 2 weeks ago and I missed her. She always scritches me and gives me a treat. So I had to go over and say "Hi!" to her. Finally my partner must have gotten a scent of her and she laughed and gave me the Go Greet command. When we got back in the car, I had to suffer thru even more hugs.

After driving all the way home, we picked up Mom's 1040 form, then went to Staples. We faxed those papers to The Tudors and confirmed they had arrived. Nick said all the papers would be given to Ms Ashleigh who would verify them. If they were, then a date would be set as soon as possible for us to view the house to say Yes or No as to whether we wanted it. Then we would pay the Move-In fee and sign the lease. So now we are in a waiting stage. And apparently my partner seems to feel that means she has the liberty to hug me every 15 minutes in her excitement that she is so close to getting this house.

My partner found out from Nick that the house does have a washer and dryer installed. So we have to find a good, loving home for the excellent Kenmore work horses we have. And we have just the perfect deserving family: my Auntie Jeanne is to be the recipient! I love my Auntie Jeanne - even though she doesn't give me cookies - it is just her being herself that I adore! Going to a laundromat is no fun at all. Now she can wash clothes in her jammies!! And when my partner found out that Auntie Jeanne had washer and dryer hook ups at her den, she got all excited again and started in with the damn hugging.

So, I request that those of you who have knowledge of my partner to please pray in the name of dogdom that she be darted with a tranquilizer gun so that she is knocked out, or at least calms down. I'm at my wits end trying to avoid all this hugging and cuddling crap. Now when she is sick, I immediately and happily go to her and do my works which do include tactile stuff like allowing stroking, holding and hugging. Or when she's overwhelmed, I'll quickly get up on the sofa with her and curl up as close as possible with my head or a paw on her leg and my body against hers. But these random, and hit & run, and out-of-nowhere grabs to hold me close and hug me telling me how happy and excited she is about moving are getting quite tiresome. I'm beginning to think she has turned bipolar and is in a mania phase. What is a dog to do? In the den I have nowhere to run, nowhere to hide: so I guess I'll just keep on keeping on.

Kalifornia Kota

What Is Happening?

Saturday - May 14, 2011

What a very strange day! My partner was very sick this morning, and it took all my skills to work on her to make her feel better. Then she started pushing the buttons on this silver machine, saying she was looking for more new dens that we could live in that were close to our Mom. There were so many to choose from - but they were either too expensive or were trash.

Then she got all excited and happy again. She was jumping up and down. She had found something called an "apartment house". It was in a city called Antelope. She called the humans that control that den and made a date for us to see one on Wednesday. They said this den would go fast. So my partner called Mom and asked her to give up watching golf and go with us to see this den. Mom agreed. So we drove down and picked up Mom then went to the den called The Arbors.

We met a nice lady called Ashley. She showed us some places that we could use for free if we get this den. There is a swimming pool, but I'm not allowed in it. There is something called a gym with lots of strange machines including a "treadmill" that my partner threatened to put me on. There are 4 parks there, including one just for dogs! Other things that I've never heard of are a Clubhouse, Business Center, Theater, Hot Tub, Basketball Court, lots of open green areas and it's next to a huge City Park & Rec Center. There is guard shack at the gated entrance and security guard is on duty all the time. If you want to read about this denning area you can push this button to read about it.The den we applied for is called the Sycamore and it's located at 7848 Teton Way if you want to Google it.

Living room, with part of dining room to the left.

Ms Ashley said there was a "model home" of the Sycamore that we could look at, so we walked over there with her. This den was already filled with furniture and looked very nice; as though it was lived in - with clothes in the closets and shoes on the floor! The first thing my partner noticed was that there are NO carpets! There's the traditional linoleum in the 2 full bathrooms and kitchen, but the rest of the den is all beautiful hardwood floors. This den has 3 bedrooms and 2 full bathrooms. It has a fireplace, a tiny fenced in patio, a small fenced back yard, a really big green area on one side of the den, so only 1 neighbor on the other side! The ceilings are really high up, the living room windows go from floor to ceiling, there are walk-in closets, and oh-so-many other neat things! 

Ms Ashley couldn't remember if there was a washer and dryer already in the den. If there is not, they would take $35 a month off my rent. She also doesn't know how many or the location of any ceiling fans. But she said it costs $200 per room to have them installed. All the exterior areas are maintained by them; we just have to handle the little back yard.

If we get chosen to have this den, it is available on May 21st, and Ms Ashley will hold it for us to move in on June 1st. Mom liked it and was willing to sign the application papers as our co-signers. That is so very generous of her. She says it is close enough to her. It is making my partner very nervous though because it is surrounded by "city" stuff that she isn't used to dealing with - so much traffic, and people and businesses.

My partner was very sick when we were in the office with Ms Ashley. She had her back to the door, which she hates very much. There was a birthday party in the Clubhouse which had spilled out into the foyer. A lot of children saw me and were calling to me. Several of them kept coming into the office because they wanted to pet me. My partner was hyper-vigilant, trying to understand Ms Ashley and trying to watch her back. I kept warning her, but she wouldn't leave. Finally we got to leave that office and go look at the den.

My partner turned very happy when she looked at the den! It was very open and airy. She really liked the wood floors, but I didn't - I think I will be slipping on them with the feathers I have on the bottom of my paws. She better keep them trimmed, that's all I have to say. It had things in the kitchen that made my partner laugh out loud cause she would never use them - garbage disposal, built in cutting board, dish washer, big oven - but she will use the big built in microwave. 

Then we returned to the office. My partner and Mom filled out a bunch of papers. My partner started to get really, really sick. There was still a bunch of children around that kept coming in. And she was having trouble understanding the papers. She did remember to bring papers from the last den. That had made Mom mad, but they came in handy today - she could copy the information into the application instead of taking it home and then having to drive back to deliver it. I kept telling her that she had to leave, but she just told me to lie down. I kept insisting. She refused. So I went to Mom and put my paw on her and whined. Mom petted and talked to me, which she never does when I have my vest on, but she didn't understand that I wanted her to make my partner leave. I tried so hard - I told her over and over, and I pulled hard on the leash, but she just wouldn't budge. Finally after making scribbles on a bunch of papers, my partner and Mom finally stood up and let me lead them out of there.

Floor to ceiling windows - leading to back yard.

I was so happy to get my partner out of there. I led her to the car as quickly as I could. She sat in the back seat with me for a while, which made Mom mad. Mom wanted to leave right away and didn't want to wait for my partner to just "cuddle" with me - she thought we were wasting time. So my partner cut our time together short and prepared to drive off. I kept sticking my head up by her shoulder where she could reach me and stroke my head and I know that helped. We had left our den at 11am and didn't get back till 6pm. It was a very long day for both of us. We shall see what happens with this potential den and will keep on keeping on. 

Kalifornia Kota

Very Sad Day

Saturday - May 14, 2011

This morning my partner is extremely sad and sick. She has been ever so excited about the den we went to see last March and again last Wednesday. She has been telling me about all the neat things she was going to do to make this big den a wonderful place for me and NuNu to live in.

She had made a typing on her little silver machine to some friends telling them about the den this morning. They made happy typings back at her. She was going to send them pictures of the den. But when she went to the machine place to get those pictures, she said the machine claimed the den was already taken by other humans...

So she got really sick, really fast. I jumped up on the sofa with her. She was rocking back and forth. I crawled onto her lap as best I could. She wrapped her arms around me and stroked me and smelled my ears. She told me she was sorry that she had told me about her dreams for me and NuNu being at that den. That she was sorry that she had gotten such high hopes for us to be in such a wonderful den. That she didn't deserve it and that was why she never got a chance at it. That if NuNu and I belonged to someone else, we would be living there now.

I went to get my toys and started bringing them to my partner. I wanted her to play and be happy again and not be sick. But she didn't see them. She was going away from me. I had to keep pawing at her to bring her back. She crosses her arms and rocks and that's one sign that I know that she has left me. So I paw real hard at her legs to make her eyes come alive and look at me and recognize me. Then she gets real confused and upset, but she always thanks me and then she hugs me. It is very scary for both of us when she goes away...

My partner is also sick about that Court thing too. It turned out she had the day wrong. Instead of it being on Wednesday, it was on Monday. Since she hasn't heard from her Attorney, she is expecting a letter from the mailman today. If it was good news, the Attorney would surely have called. So she is dreading the arrival of that letter.

And with these 2 things hanging over her head, my partner is also involved in 5 projects on this silver machine where she does typings like this blog! How she got herself entangled in these is quite perplexing, considering she can barely type, and has the memory of a gnat. With comprehension and concentration problems up the wazoo, she is the last person you want helping out on complicated projects! So she is getting increasingly upset and frustrated and sick over these projects. But I keep getting up on the sofa beside her to help her get grounded, and force her off this silver machine every day at 2pm. So together we will keep on keeping on.

Kalifornia Kota